A plethora of writings by some random dude with nothing better to do.
This collection started out as a blog on the LiveJournal platform many years ago (2005). The journal was started for a specific person (1), but over the years, said person stopped looking at it; another interested individual (2) started reading before they too stopped visiting. As such, it saw many periods of dormancy throughout the years (mostly between 2012 and 2022), often serving as an outlet to write about whatever was on my mind that I felt was worthy of writing down, knowing that no one else was reading it.
At some point midway through 2023, I felt a strong desire to abandon the platform altogether. Given my technical prowess and penchant for problem solving, I discovered that the easiest way to accomplish this would be to use a templating engine that I was already familiar with using. With a little bit of work to flesh out everything, this blog was "born" at the end of 2023.
Inside this blog, you'll find the entire collection of posts that I made on the LJ platform (according to my account, there's 175 of them - enjoy!) up until the point that this site went live. From that point, all subsequent posts will be exclusive to this page.
mood:contentmusic:As I Lay Dying - No Lungs to Breathe# (1)
Metalcore. From the Awakened album, released in 2012. More info from Wikipedia.
I know, I know. I haven't done an update in a while (literally two weeks). So sue me.
I've finally managed to find a little free time to post an update, and it just happens to coincide with occurring on Christmas day. Let's go ahead and spend an indeterminate length of time hammering this bad boy out before I decide to call it quits.
So, what's been going on over past couple of weeks? I'm glad you asked (you did, don't deny it)!
mood:blahmusic:Motionless in White - Timebomb# (1)
Metalcore. Single track, released in 2021. More info from Wikipedia.
The past week has been exceedingly busy for me, which is the first justification I'll make for not making a post in nearly a week. There's nothing of significance to note in the past week other than the aforementioned busy-ness: it's been all-hands-on-deck getting the house prepped and ready to live in at a full-time capacity. However, a late-breaking discrepancy has forced the appropriately named title of this post: setbacks.
Metalcore. From the Ire album, released in 2015. More info from Wikipedia
Welcome to the first post of the new "journal!" Given that it's been nearly a month since my last post, let's give an update of what's been going on with the new look, as well as how things have been going with my (new) homeownership venture.
mood:contentmusic:Killswitch Engage - I Can't Be the Only One# (1)
Metalcore. From the Atonement album, released in 2019. More info from Wikipedia.
Looks like it's been a little while since my last post. Let's remedy that!
Shortly before authoring my last post, I managed to secure a contract to buy a property that I felt was the answer to all of my prayers. This property was the right size that I was looking for (three bedrooms, less than 1,500 square feet), was in a fairly (dare I say competitively) priced range, and most importantly, was in an ideal location (five minutes away from Kayla and the kids on the other side of town).
I had thrown an offer out to the seller that I felt was more than fair without being insulting, given the current state of the real estate market. To my relief, the seller accepted the offer, and I got to work on everything that needed to be done as part of my due diligence period and to ensure that everything was in order to close on the mortgage.
Today, I'm happy to report that as of yesterday at approximately 11:30 AM, I'm the new owner of the subject property. A 1,168 square-foot, three bedroom, one-and-a-half bathroom brick home situated on 0.71 acres that lies five minutes north of my kids is now in my sole possession. To say that I'm happy is an understatement.
Heavy metal. From the Vengeance Falls album, released in 2013. More info from Wikipedia.
Today is a special day, and a day that needs a little elaboration. Nonetheless, today is miserable.
On this day ten years ago, I had married the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Eight years prior to that date (which makes 18 years ago, if you're keeping count), I was a neophyte in the "love" scene. I naively thought that I knew what love was at the time. I thought that I knew who I wanted as a lifetime partner, how to treat them, and provide an environment for our children that I never got to experience growing up.
Needless to say, this was all a complete illusion. I didn't know it at the time, but the "love" that I thought I had for certain people (who are now barely — if at all — involved in my life) was everything that I now know isn't what I wanted.
mood:lonelymusic:None. There's a bunch in this post.
I think this is going to be a fairly short update, but this is something that's been on my mind for the past week or so. This update serves as a collection of song lyrics that I've heard over the course of the past 17-ish months that I feel are relatable to my circumstances and accurately summarize some of the thoughts I've had in that time; namely as they relate to my recent divorce and thoughts/feelings towards Kayla. Some of these songs are newer, newly-discovered bangers; others are older "classics" (fuck, did I really just say that? I'm getting old) that I've enjoyed for many years. Hell, it's entirely possible that some of these songs have been featured in this journal over the time I've been writing in it (which recently rolled over the 18-year mark — maybe I am getting old).
mood:indifferentmusic:Motionless in White - Another Life# (1)
Metalcore. From the Disguise album, released in 2019. More info from Wikipedia.
Oh look, I only made it two weeks since the last post before making another. I call that progress!
What's been going on in the "new" life since two weeks ago? Absolutely fuck-all. At times, it's felt like time has been passing me by; other times, it's been at a complete standstill. This past weekend was probably the busiest I've had since being divorced, so let's recapitulate the events that have transpired (let's start with Tuesday).
mood:morosemusic:All That Remains - Open Grave# (1)
Metalcore. From the Madness album, released in 2017. More info from Wikipedia.
Seriously, I tell myself that I'm going to update this thing on a slightly regular basis, and I end up failing in spectacular fashion. It's been a whirlwind of the last year plus, so let's see if I can type out everything significant that's occurred since my last post.
July 2022: In the month and some change after my last post, a temporary agreement was made between Kayla and I, discussing how finances would be covered in the interim. I went into the agreement with little care how it would impact me, under the premise that hopefully the inevitable divorce wouldn't occur. This agreement, while fair to Kayla and to show my honest intentions, would actually end up being a severe detriment to my own well-being (more to come).
October 2022: Throughout this entire ordeal, this month was arguably the darkest month I've ever lived up to that point. I went to see Kayla and the kids on the 5th — our ninth anniversary — and while I enjoyed seeing the kids and spending time with them, I left feeling utterly devastated.
mood:interestedmusic:All That Remains - Victim of the New Disease# (1)
Metalcore. From the Victim of the New Disease album, released in 2018. More info from Wikipedia.
Today turned out to be much better than expected. As previously stated, I headed over to the house today with the expectation that Kayla and I wouldn't talk too much about our situation and our future. This couldn't have been any farther from the truth. While I did spend a great deal of time talking to Kayla (I still want her to open up and spill the beans), the conversation was fruitful, constructive, and helped put my mind at ease.
There were a couple of buzz words that I picked up on her saying that made me feel good — I don't know if she intentionally said "baby" and "honey", or if she is just used to saying it, but today was the first time I've heard her call me by any term of endearment since this ordeal began. She also smiled briefly, and I wasted no time telling her that it was good to see her smile again; this was rewarded with another weak smile. I'm not complaining.
mood:tiredmusic:Asking Alexandria - Alone in a Room# (1)
Rock. From the Asking Alexandria album, released in 2017. More info from Wikipedia.
Today passed by relatively quickly. I didn't get any quality sleep last night, which in turn caused me to sleep in later than normal; by the time I managed to pull myself out of bed, it was close to 11 AM.
After crawling out of bed, I walked outside. Larry was working on his car, replacing the driver door handle that broke earlier this week. I used that as an opportunity to dig out the lightbulbs that he bought for me yesterday when he went to pick up the replacement door handle and replace the reverse lights on the truck; Larry told me that one of them was burnt out. When I replace bulbs, I normally replace both, so I don't have to worry about slight brightness mismatches or the other bulb burning out shortly down the road.
Metalcore. From the Awakened album, released in 2012. More info from Wikipedia.