Omgwtf?
- This was a custom mood that I used for this specific post.
Heavy metal. From the The Way of the Fist album, released in 2007. More info from Wikipedia.
Yeah, really. What the fuck? I said I was going to keep updating, but I've been lax about it. I don't even know where to begin.
I guess a good place to start is with Lorraine. My last update mentioned that I'd remain in contact with Lorraine, yet for some reason, the opposite has happened. Before California, we were talking quite regularly, yet I haven't spoken to her since I read her update. This pisses me off for the simple reason that I said I wasn't going to stop talking to her, yet I did anyway. I feel like an asshole because of it.
On the contrary, Hollis and I have been in solid contact, just like I thought we would be. The phone number for texting has proven to be invaluable to us; we practically text every day. Although I will admit that there are a couple times where we'll go a day or two without texting. Of course, this is perfectly acceptable. She has classes and schoolwork (the busy life of a college student), whereas I have my own work that needs to get done. So there's not always time to talk, but we do somehow find a way to make up for it. I always get a smile on my face when she sends me a text, and I can only hope that she gets the same feeling when she sees a text from me.
And since I'm talking about the few females in my life, this is a good time to mention another. Of course, she needs no introduction; if you feel she does, read my archive. You'll know exactly who I'm talking about.
Recently, I applied to be a radio DJ for a website ((http://www.habboxlive.com)) and got the position with ease. With being an internet radio DJ being an avid hobby of mine (and radio communications being the field I wish to seek a degree in), I felt it only appropriate that I got back into it. Needless to say, this individual somehow found out that I was back on the airwaves and started trying to find me. Once she did, she congratulated me and said she was proud of me, and all the over stuff that accompanies kindness. With her talking to me in a civil manner for the first time since June, I was in complete shock. My response? I posted something on Facebook that she ended up reading, and shit went down the drain. More yelling and arguing, and crap that I don't even feel like bringing back up. It's in the past, no need to dwell on it, right? Needless to say, we found a way to calm down and started talking to each other in a civil manner yet again, and the conversation ended on a pretty decent note.
I haven't heard from her since then, at least until earlier this evening (or morning, based on my current time and the time these events took place). We had yet another civil conversation on a broad variety of topics, ranging from her current status with Tyler (not going to mention her business like that), living conditions, work, the military, etc. This conversation lasted what seemed to be hours, when in fact it was probably close to just a single hour. And again, the conversation seemed to end on a positive note.
So what does this say?
Truthfully, I have no idea. I won't lie, I do enjoy hearing from her, although it makes me feel like a hypocrite. Back in June, I put her behind me. I left her in a past life, and out of nowhere, she finds me and talks to me again. Once more, I do enjoy hearing from her and I'm glad I do. I'm just a little confused.
On a separate note, this does not mean that I'm going to go back to my old ways and try to find a way to make it work. Both her and I openly established that we're not meant for each other, and it took all the time that we didn't talk for me to realize it. A relationship with her is something of the past. Yeah, there were good memories; some of which I not only can't forget, but I don't want to forget. And speaking of such memories, there were quite a few brought up this evening.
In retrospect, I don't regret any of this. Call me a hypocrite, call me a dumbass, a dipshit, or whatever else you can fathom. Regardless of our situation and the impossibility of a relationship with her, it was good to bring back some memories I have with her. Just another sign of me growing up and moving on.