...Alone Standing By Yourself
Heavy metal. From the Way of the Fist album, released in 2007. More info from Wikipedia.
Let me start by saying that the subject of this update is in no way related to what I feel like ranting about - it just happened to be part of the chorus of the song I'm listening to.
Keeping true with past updates, I feel the need to update solely because I want to speak my mind - typing is my way of talking, apparently. This update is more or less going to be all about Kayla and about how things have progressed (or haven't, for that matter) in the week and a half since I last updated.
There have been a couple instances where Kayla and I have meet up again since I last posted - the day after my last update, I took her out to dinner and finished the night going out to the skating rink. The time spent with her that night was awesome - we had a great meal (she's two for two as far as choosing restaurants here in Hartsville) and had an even better time at the rink. I didn't get to pick her up, but I didn't let this bother me. After we had out fun at the rink (and me showing off a little, of course), the session ended and we headed out to our vehicles. I dropped my skate bag off in my car and immediately went to Kayla's truck and talked to her for a little bit. Before long, we were the only two people left in the parking lot, still talking. I happened to be leaning really close to her, then did what I said I needed to - I reached down and (figuratively) grabbed a pair of nuts and told her how I felt about her. I couldn't help but smile when she told me the feelings I had were mutual; that she had the same feelings for me. After hearing this, my mind was set - I wanted to get a kiss from her. I kept slowly leaning in toward her, but for some reason, my courage failed me. I kept stumbling over my words, trying to determine the best time to kiss her. I gave up looking and told her flat out, "I'll be honest - I really want to kiss you, but my--" Apparently, this is all it took to hear, because I didn't get a chance to finish my statement before she said, "Well, what's stopping you?" Without missing a beat, I leaned in completely and gave her a couple small kisses. The best part was that she returned this affection, which led to several more kisses. I don't remember much of the drive home that night, as I was in a daze thinking about what took place that night, wishing that I'd be able to do it again.
I was afforded a second chance on my last three days off to spend time with Kayla. We decided to watch another movie in Florence, so I once more extended an offer to pick her up. At first, she seemed reluctant to agree, but after some thought, she allowed me to chauffeur her. The drive to her house was a short 20 minutes away and was simple to remember; this is good for future dates, as I'll easily be able to pick her up without having to rely on navigation other than my own mind.
We got to the theater a little earlier than anticipated, but this didn't bother us. We watched the movie New Year's Eve, and it turned out to be a cute movie. I recall wanting to wrap my arm around her through much of the movie, but once again, my courage failed me. When I finally worked up the courage to do so, the movie was just about over. At first, it seemed like she was being hesitant to allow this affection, but this quickly subsided when she took my left hand into hers (my left arm was around her shoulders). Because the movie was practically over, we didn't stay like this for long, even though I really wanted to.
After the movie, we went around the corner to Longhorn's and ate a good dinner. It was here that I felt compelled to tell her more about me - what it was like for me growing up and what I've endured. She didn't speak too much as I spilled the pertinent facts about my life, so at the bare minimum, it's safe to say that she's a great listener. We finished dinner and decided to call it an evening, so we got into my car and headed toward her house.
Along the way, there was little conversation, though I did ask her to talk a little about her past life - she kept things short, but did tell me of a couple things that would not fall under normal conversation topics. The ride back to Bethune was much faster than I realized, and before long, we were in her driveway. Kayla told me that it wasn't necessary to walk her to the door of her house, but being the gentleman I claim to be, I did anyway. At the doorstep, I told her I had a great time and would love to do it again. When she shared the same sentiment, I gave her a quick kiss and set out for home.
The kiss I gave her at her doorstep felt a little awkward to me, similar to wrapping my arm around her at the movies earlier that night. Because of the hesitation she showed, it led me to believe that perhaps such affection is not welcomed or that it makes her uncomfortable. I spent the last several days wondering about this, but today put my mind at much ease about the whole ordeal, for reasons very soon to be explained.
Today was a great day - I went to pick Kayla up at 1 PM, where we set out of the zoo and botanical gardens in Columbia. This marked the second time in which I drove her around and the first time we took a slightly extended trip. Along the way to Columbia, we held solid conversation, talking about anything that came to mind, no matter how significant it was. The entire car ride up to the zoo, I was telling myself, "I would love it if I could hold her hand and feel some kind of affection in return."
Going through the zoo is irrelevant to what I'm trying to elaborate on, so I'll spare the details, as well as the details while we ate dinner. It was when we made our return trip to the zoo (for the Christmas light show - the whole reason we planned this trip) that the truth was revealed and my mind was put at ease.
Not five minutes into the zoo gazing at the various light displays, I recalled a topic that was addressed while at dinner; I'm going to digress right here for a very important, albeit short, side story.
One of the important topics that was discussed as we lounged around at dinner was my staying power, for lack of better words/terms. She made a comment about meeting some people close to her in her life and said, "If you stick around long enough, I'd like you to meet them." At this, I replied, "Well I'll tell you what - I'll stay as long as you let me." She smiled and said, "We'll see."
Now back to the zoo.
The first few minutes inside the zoo, I recalled what we discussed at the dinner table and confronted her about how I felt about the affection I showed and how I thought she may feel uncomfortable about it. Her answer blew me away - she said that it didn't make her feel uncomfortable, she just wants to make sure that we take things slow. I completely agree with this; she wants to take things slow because of the experience she had with her previous boyfriend (she told me the story, and if I ever see him, I'll seriously kick his ass), I want to take things slow because I don't want her to think that I'm interested in her for the wrong reasons (and the fact that it's been nearly three years since the last time I was involved in a relationship). With the statement she said, I felt much better about everything that's happened over the last couple of dates and have a whole new perspective on them. And because I do my best to get what I want, I was afforded the opportunity to hold her hand. At times I did feel her grip loosen just a little, but she didn't do this intentionally, as she regained her grip once she realized it was slipping.
To summarize the remainder of the evening, we decided that since the night was still young, a movie would be a good way to finish it off, though once we got to the theater, there was nothing playing that grabbed our attention. To this, we ended up walking around the town center that strongly reminds me of Waterford Lakes back in Florida. And perhaps one of the greatest feelings I've had in my car to date (I rarely have passengers in my car, so I treat it as a luxury to have Kayla ride with me) - Kayla and I held hands on a few occasions while we were driving - once on the way to the movies, twice on the way back to her house.
The greatest feeling for tonight has to be the last couple of minutes I spent with her this evening - not only did I get a few kisses goodnight, but each of them felt like they had purposes and they meant as much to her as they did to me.
I think I'm done venting and bragging about Kayla, at least for tonight. I can't really help it much though - I believe she's the source of my recent happiness over the past several weeks, and I honestly hope that it continues. I hope the words I said to her at dinner ("I'll stay as long as you let me") mean something to her, because in such a short time of talking and getting to know one another, I've developed some solid feelings for her. And again, I can only hope that it continues favorably for the both of us.
Time will tell.