Reconsidering
Rock. From the Splinter album, released in 2003. More info from Wikipedia.
Yet another short update, as I don't have the time nor patience to hammer out a massive update right before I go to bed.
I think I've fully come to realize how I feel about Kayla, as well as what my brain thinks when I get these crazy delusions. Sure, it's been a week since I've last seen Kayla, and it'll sadly be another half-week (at least) before I'm able to see her again. That being said, the only way I've been keeping in contact is via texting; I have given her a call briefly several days ago, but I honestly don't remember what I called her about.
To keep from going on a major story (and thus defying what I said about posting a massive update), suffice it to say that I gave Kayla a call today. When I heard her voice, everything seemed to change instantly. It felt good to hear from her (I talked to her the entire way home from work), and it made me feel that the sincerity she claims to have for me is equally as prevalent as the sincerity I have for her.
It seems the past several updates have been nothing short of me seemingly contradict myself as far as my feelings are concerned with Kayla (and her feelings for me, apparently). Maybe this is where the problem is - am I really that paranoid about this entire thing? Is it fair to blame Cassie for my current outlook on this relationship with Kayla? Or am I just a complete fuck-ball, incapable of accepting someone's word as the truth (implying that the words Kayla has told me face to face is complete honesty) about how they feel about me?
I need to do some serious "soul searching" and figure this shit out fast, because if I somehow mess this relationship up, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself. Kayla is the first person in a long, long while that has been capable of making me feel the way I do, and there's only a select few who have done so in the past.