Short Update Syndrome
Rock. From the Back into Your System album, released in 2002. More info from Wikipedia.
I think I'm going to start using this fictitious ailment on a regular basis and claim it's the cause of any short updates I make. In either case, Short Update Syndrome strikes again, as this update is going to be short.
Kayla and I are doing well. Really well actually; it's starting to feel more and more like we're actually a couple. On that note, I've made a couple personal observances about my attitude and how I feel about things with Kayla. Take for example the time I actually spend with her. It's at these times that I feel the absolute best; I'm smiling far more than I ever thought possible, and I'm always in the best of moods. The days I don't get to see her I'm not as cheerful, perhaps due to not actually being able to see her. To this, I have one question for myself: has my feelings for her gotten to the point where I'm happy only when I'm around her? I remember something Lorraine once said milling around my brain when this question came to mind, something along the lines of "in order to make someone else happy, you need to make yourself happy." While part of me says that I'm happy, is it really because I've made myself happy, or is this happiness only because of Kayla? Does my happiness depend on my ability to make her happy?
Maybe I'm just in a huge delirious state, or perhaps I'm being far too analytical about things. Why can't I just be content knowing that she makes me happy and I make her happy, that her and I have a great relationship going, and that for the time being, we're so interested in one another that something far more serious and more permanent may take place between us? Am I really that fucked in the head, or am I just too oblivious to realize it and accept it? I'm so confused. Pray tell I don't do anything stupid to mess this relationship up - I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself.