Filling Space
Heavy metal. From the American Capitalist album, released in 2011. More info from Wikipedia
Original music notes: I jizzed my pants. Srsly.
Last several updates have been small. My goal is to make this a happy medium between one of my normal novel-sized updates and the two-sentence teasers, so we'll see what happens.
Tying in with what I posted on my last update, I told her I love her. Initially, these words were met with some passionate kisses, indicating her approval (and shared sentiments?) of what was said. However she didn't say anything back. I found myself wondering about it on the drive home that night.
Two nights ago, things were getting heated in my car. Between make-out sessions, she told me something that made me smile from ear to ear, something to the effect of, "It's shocking that I'm so in love with you in such a short period of time." This made up for what wasn't said several nights prior.
Last night was an amazing night. After I got back from the little trip I had to make (taking my mother to Greensboro, NC - she lives in Winston-Salem), I ended up taking a brief nap before meeting up with Kayla. We agreed on a movie in Florence, followed by some dinner and back to her house for another movie. After the theater movie and eating dinner, there was a slight change in plans. I made a comment about getting ready to drive back to her place, to which she said (in a semi-joking, semi-serious manner), "Why do we always have to go to my house?" I took this as a hint that she might want to come to my house, so I prompted her with two options, each with their own pros and cons. Another hint was made when I mentioned that if we did go to my house, I'd still have to drive her back to her house, then drive back home. Her hint was not subtle. With a smile on her face, she said, "Well who said anything about me going home tonight?" I didn't miss a beat and asked her very directly, "Do you want to spend the evening with me at my house?" Of course, she didn't miss a beat either, and with the same smile on her face, she agreed.
We got to my house and started watching a movie on Netflix in my room. And to both of our credit, we got through most of the movie before we started making out (that's actually quite an achievement). One thing led to another, and before long, we found ourselves going farther than we though we would in such a short time.
Because I'm starting to feel sleep creep in, I suppose I should get to the point of this update.
I have mixed feelings about starting to sleep with Kayla. Part of me is excited, and for obvious reasons: what straight guy WOULDN'T be excited about getting laid? However, part of me is concerned - I genuinely love this young lady and honestly am starting to tailor some long-term plans around being with her. I don't want to ruin what her and I have going on, and being sexually active is a good way of screwing it up. I just need to make sure she knows that I'm not in this relationship to get laid, and hopefully all will be well.
On the plus side, her and I share the same feelings about having sex, in the sense that because it did happen, we consider ourselves to be in a serious relationship, and both of us love the sound of it.
That being said, I think I'll be okay, though I'm sure I've said it before - I don't know if I could forgive myself if I found a way to fuck this one up.